Quick Sport

I was fed, bottled and watered and waiting for the start of Wimbledon 2008, along with, I guess millions of others around the world. However, for me, I was not watching because I was genuinely excited, but because I thought it was almost my duty.

I have never really gotten sport. Since infant school to secondary school, I was always trying to think of ways out of having to get involved in it. I wasn't an overweight, unfit kid by any means (although I seem to have regenerated Doctor Who like into an adult version of this), it was just that even then, as now, I couldn't muster any enthusiasm for it.

I have tried before with the cricket, but found watching it dull beyond belief, also with the golf, I sloped off nonplussed after about 30 minutes. I always think that this time it will be different, but, it never is.

Tuning in at 1.30 yesterday I watched the pre-match build up, with Sue Barker, Henman and Becker. Yes, this was quite entertaining and it raised my anticipation for the main event slightly. After a delay, where the rain appeared to be experiencing the same nonchalance to sport as I usually feel, the match started.

And then it hit me, after only a matter of minutes I was bored beyond what I thought would be humanly possible. Jeez it was painful, I found that I could not even physically be in the same room as the tennis.

My wife and I took our daughter out for a walk, went to the local shop, had a afternoon nap, some late afternoon tea, cooked dinner, watched Top Gear (why? I don't even drive) and the tennis was still going on! My God, how could this be.

So, it got me to thinking what is the world's quickest sport? 100 meters? 60 meters? Diving? Javelin? I need something that will let me join in with the nation's collective obsession, but quick enough so as not to send my mind into an hysterical mess.

Any ideas?